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  • #1267

    just venting here..

    My son and his ex (well they are working on their relationship) are going to have a baby. He's only 19 and she's 20.

    I know I would LOVE to have a baby around me again..but…I'm not so sure if he's responsible enough for this…my goodness he doesn't even remember to take out the trash..how can he raise a child? I'm being very supportive of their decision…which I am proud of the choice they've made, and trying very hard to accept this. which I think will come with time, but anyone else been thru this? What did u do? How do you handle this? I feel like I've failed here. I always told myself my kids would never have to struggle or go thru things like this.

    #60027

    Denise, I have not had any experience with that at all. I am sorry that your family is going through some trying times right now. I will keep you all in my prayers.

    #60028

    craftysprinkles
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      Denise, I don't have any experience with this either. I will say this: you have not failed. Parents only play a part in their kids' decisions. They ultimately make their own decisions and all you can do is support them if you still want them to talk to you! LOL! You'll be there for him, even if it's more than you think you should be. And, in my opinion, most people rise to the occasion, whatever it may be. He just might surprise you and be one awesome dad.

      #60029

      Snagg1
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        Denise, Dont feel like you fail, We do the best we can. My step son is 20yrs old and his girlfriend is 19, they have a 7m old. They try to do the best they can even if they teens still.

        The only problem is that my husband have to help them constantly with money, is ok to help your kids because that what parents are for, but eventually they have to become responsible too. The person he works for is a friend of my husband and some times he tell us how he don't show up for work! And the girlfriend is always having friends in they're apartment. So, These are 2 teens raising a baby.

        Is not that you fail but is that they don't listen! They don't think about consequences before doing something. They are so young!!! And the only way they gonna lea is from their mistakes.

        There's nothing I can tell you that can give you the steps to make it better, because I don't know either. Just hang in there.

        #60030

        Denise, My sister was 18 when she got pregnant. That made my mom a grandmother at 41. Almost 2 years after giving birth 2 my youngest brother. Yes, My nephew and brother are only a couple years apart. I will tell you. My sister never married the scumbag father, but the first few years were very hard on my parents. Different circumstances than yours. My dad would not acknowledge that he had a grandson for the for the first 6 months of my nephews life. My mom had to sneak to see the baby. I totally understood. The scumbag father tried to have my father killed by cutting the break lines on his car. My parents didn't approve of the scumbag father and that just made matters worse. He took my sister away, we weren't allowed to see her. He was very controlling. When my sister left him when the baby was 9 months old. The scumbag father sat in the middle of the street, cut himself up with a razor, called the cops and said my sister attacked him. Drastic measures had to be taken and my sister had to go live at a womens shelter where he wasn't allowed to know where here and the baby were, That lasted a few months and she came out of hiding. Only to go back with the scumbag father. She put my parents through hell. And the innocent baby was caught in the middle. To make a long story short, the scumbag father was never really a part of my nephews life after he was a year old. And finally gave up parental rights when my nephew was 6 years old. Allowing my brothe inlaw to finally adopt him.
        Yes different circumstances, but very difficult to care for a child when you are a child yourself. He is extremely lucky that you are supportive. My parents tried to be, but my sister was a jerk at the time and wouldn't take my parents advise on anything. My sister married an alcoholic, has 3 kids, 2 of whom have given her so much grief, and is still trying to find peace in her life at 47 years old. So sad.
        There were 4 of us kids, and my sister is so different than all of us. That's just the way it is. We don't know why. She has an addictive personality herself. Only in the last couple of years has she tried to change her life. But everyone else in her family continue their bad behaviors and take her down. All I can do is pray. She found church and God, and that has helped her tremendously.
        I hope your son and his girlfriend know the commitment it takes to raise a child. And with your support, they are lucky.
        You did not fail girl!!! My mom and dad felt the same way. Only to realize years later, it wasn't them. It was my sisters choices that caused her life to tu out the way it did. So don't beat yourself up about it. Your son and his girlfriend knew what they were doing. And you couldn't stop it. Even if you tried. They are young adults, responsible or not…

        #60031

        Sorry I have no advice to give but I offer you big hugs. And know that you did not fail, no matter how you raise your kids they will tu out the way they tu out (my brother and I are exact opposites yet raised the same way). Good luck!

        #60026

        although this happens more than we know, it doesn't make it any easier. all i know, is that i became a mom at 34, and i was barely ready.
        your love and support will be invalueble, i hope they are at least mature enough to understand that you are there for those reasons, and not the child's mother.

        #60032

        Denise, My oldest son is like Lisa's sister, bad choices all around. It is so sad when you see someone with so much potential go down the tubes. I raised him the best I could , he just made bad decisions and at the age of 45 is at the bottom of the barrel.

        Don't feel bad. There comes a time when we have to realize that we've done our best and the rest is up to them.

        God bless!

        #60033

        (((Big hugs Denise))) I haven't been in this situation either. I do know tho, that whenever our kids do make a bad choice or display bad behavior that we always question our parenting. I don't think that ever ends no matter how old they get.
        Once they hit the teen years your role as a parent changes. You have to let them make their own choices good and bad so they can function as an adult in the world.
        I talk about sex often with my teen daughter and hope what I am saying is sinking in. But I will tell you that when she starts driving which will be next year I do plan on putting her on birth control. At that point she is out of my orbit and if she does make a bad choice at least she will be protected. I'm not condoning teens having sex and she knows exactly where i stand on that. She doesn't have a boyfriend or want one till she goes to college. Or so she says. A lot of moms of girls think you are condoning if you put your kids on bc but I think you just have to be realistic.
        We all do the best we can Denise.This isn't your fault.

        #60034

        Denise,
        I am sorry for all your stress you are going through lately. From your other recent posts, life appears to be giving you some hard hits as of late.

        This is NO reflection on you as a mom. People are going to make choices and not all of them will be great. I am sure there were times when our parents shook their heads and cringed at our decisions.

        This is BIG. Continue to support and show your love because there is no going back now and your love and support will make a difference in the outcome.

        #60035

        Oh, I forgot….

        {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

        #60036

        craftysprinkles
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          & {{{{{HUGS}}}}} and prayers from me.
          Denise, all the advise I can give is to remember that your grandchild will need all your love and support; my prayers go out to you…

          #60037

          HUGS to you firstly. I have not gone through this, but I can you that if I had gotten preggers at 19 with my then husband (EW EW EW) my mom woulod probably have shot me. :p

          She would not have been shy about voicing her disappointment. Bus I know that she would still love me and help, even if she wasn't happy about it. And that is what being a parent is…isn't it?

          #60038

          I have tried to reply several times and am never quite sure how to word it.

          I became a single mom 4 days before my 21st bday.
          I can tell you from experience how quickly I grew up. It was no longer about me. I went from hanging with friends all the time to working 3 jobs.My life took a complete 180 change. My parents, after the initial shock, supported me 100%. And man it was hard, but I did it. Because I had someone counting on me.
          I have since gone on, gotten married and have 2 more girls. Still the bond that the 2 of us have is very different and strong.

          While I do not wish my daughter to follow in my footsteps, I know what it is like, there is not one minute of any day ever that I wish things had been done differently. I can't imagine her not being here.

          #60039

          Christy, you made me cry..And I am VERY emotional right now…Your love and commitment to being the best mom, and wanting the best for your child (children) shows through. You did good!!! And no matter the circumstances…I would not change my life for the world either!!

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