Home Forums Non Scrap Chat Just Stuff Little girl growing up….question

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  • #3383

    Snagg1
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      Last night Sydney asked me if she could shave her legs when she takes a shower today. OMG! I wanted to giggle but she was totally serious. She is 9 and won't be 10 until January. She said that she is self-conscious and embarrassed when she wears shorts. I kind of brushed it off by telling her that once you start you can't stop and all that goes with that. She asked me to really think about it.

      I know where this is coming from and I'm kind of pissed. She has had a bully making fun of her. You think that you can relieve your child's stress and comfort them but I'm finding that when it comes to bullies, there really isn't much I can do or say that is taking care of her anxiety. It is a lose-lose situation. I've since taken her out of the situation where this child is, so hopefully things will be better. However, the lasting impression this child made on her with his taunts is still dictating some of her behavior.

      So, if your 9 year old asks you if she can start shaving because she is embarrassed, what do you say? I want her to feel better. Part of me is just saying to myself it's only shaving and it is no big deal, and the other part of me is struggling with her wanting to rush into her tween years. I'm going to have far bigger things to tackle in the coming years, but I'm just stuck on whether or not to let her take this step. I really need some advice and words of wisdom.

      #131381

      Let her shave her legs. 🙂
      You are entering the pick your battles wisely as she approaches the tween years and she is almost there. My daughter got her period in 5th grade.
      I dealt with a lot of bullying with my daughter in the middle school and 9th grade of High School. Luckily, our school system has a no bullying policy and she did get them involved. My daughter was also bullied on Facebook and by text messages to the point where I had to go to the police and file a report. I was also bullied at the middle school and High School age so I know exactly how you feel!

      I let my daughter shave when she started asking. It is really hard to be a girl at this age. You need to strike a balance between it being hard for you to see your little girl growing up and making her feel comfortable as pre adolescent. These upcoming years are all about fitting in and her finding her place among her peers. It's a very difficult period for them. It's honestly not a sign that she is going to grow up too fast. I let my daughter shave at that age but held off on make up till she was about 13.

      Also, giving her the freedom to do this, letting her know you understand will help to alleviate the need to sneak. You can teach her to stand up for herself while still giving her the ability to do non harmful things to fit in.
      Hope this helps dear. 🙂

      #131382

      Snagg1
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        Sorry to hear about the bully. That is always hard. Kids grow up so fast. Having her ask about shaving her legs is a good first step for you both. If it makes her feel better and its one less thing to worry about. I would let her.

        #131383
        Krissy
        Krissy
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          Let her shave her legs. 🙂
          You are entering the pick your battles wisely as she approaches the tween years and she is almost there. My daughter got her period in 5th grade.
          I dealt with a lot of bullying with my daughter in the middle school and 9th grade of High School. Luckily, our school system has a no bullying policy and she did get them involved. My daughter was also bullied on Facebook and by text messages to the point where I had to go to the police and file a report. I was also bullied at the middle school and High School age so I know exactly how you feel!

          I let my daughter shave when she started asking. It is really hard to be a girl at this age. You need to strike a balance between it being hard for you to see your little girl growing up and making her feel comfortable as pre adolescent. These upcoming years are all about fitting in and her finding her place among her peers. It's a very difficult period for them. It's honestly not a sign that she is going to grow up too fast. I let my daughter shave at that age but held off on make up till she was about 13.

          Also, giving her the freedom to do this, letting her know you understand will help to alleviate the need to sneak. You can teach her to stand up for herself while still giving her the ability to do non harmful things to fit in.
          Hope this helps dear. 🙂

          This is great advice…. in the sceme of things, shaving is really far down on the list…. and until she has to dress for gym everyday, she can slack off on the shaving a bit in the wintertime…. and if she feels that strongly about it, it's something you can do for her self esteem, a place where it's usually pretty hard to make an impact on a teen…..

          #131384

          I totally agree with Lisa and Meg..

          #131385
          Krissy
          Krissy
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            I agree with Lisa N's advice too. Self esteem can be such a fragile thing (especially when it's being pounded by a bully). She will know you understand and it will reinforce in her mind that she can come to you with these things that are bothering her and you won't belittle her.

            The bullying business really strikes a chord with me. My daughter suffered through hell for a couple of years in junior high. I finally had to remove her from the school she was attending in our small town of 1200 and drive her a half hour to school in another town for a year and a half until things got sorted out. (And with a lot of counselling and talking with the other parents and children, things did eventually get resolved, but not without leaving deep scars.)

            I would really keep a close eye on the inteet and the cell phones. The kids have really taken bullying to a whole new level that is hard for us parents to comprehend.

            I hope all goes well with your daughter. You did the right thing to get her away from the bully and you are listening and taking her conces seriously … good job mom!

            #131386

            craftysprinkles
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              Lisa, I agree with the others. Like they said, in the scheme of things, shaving isn't a real biggie…
              One other thing occurred to me: she actually asked you for permission. I think that that is such a plus that she has that much trust and confidence in you that she feels comfortable in asking.

              #131387
              Krissy
              Krissy
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                Lisa, I agree with the others. Like they said, in the scheme of things, shaving isn't a real biggie…
                One other thing occurred to me: she actually asked you for permission. I think that that is such a plus that she has that much trust and confidence in you that she feels comfortable in asking.

                Big Ditto!!!

                #131388

                craftysprinkles
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                  hmmm….. I don't agree. She is 9, not a pre teen. Last year she was eight!!! If you give in now at such an early age, what's next? and what's next will be soon. Make-up, probably. I know of a girl who's mom let her do what she wanted at an early age. Shaving, makeup, the suggestive clothes. She ended up hanging out with older kids.. She grew up way too fast. Not only did she get into trouble, but she really did miss out on a lot of her childhood. And she had a baby at 15. Maybe it all started with shaving, I don;t know, but I DO know that we can't give in to all the things they want just because other kids are doing it. This is peer pressure, plain and simple. Sydney wouldn;t even know she had hair on her legs, if someone wasn;t telling her so. Giving in to bulling means that the bully wins. And shaving is just the beginning. It's not necessarily the shaving in itself, its the act of having to do it because she thinks she has to. What'st he next thing she HAS to do because they say so? Kids need to think for themselves, then they wouldn;t give in to bullies. Sorry, just my opinion. Lisa, all this is going to come soon enough, trust me!! You really don't want to start this crap at 9, do you?? Really…been there done that!!! Let her be little as long as you can!!!

                  #131389

                  If it is affecting her self esteem to a point that she is asking you for permission, I say it is a good opener to talk to her about where her self esteem should come from and about what is gonna happen in the coming years with limits on make-up, shaving etc.

                  IMO, I think that it is a part of girl hygiene as well. It would be better for you to help her with it so she doesn't slice her leg all up if she tries it on her own.

                  I don't think it is right that she now feels uncomfortable in her own skin because of teasing, but I hate to say, it is only the beginning. Girls are VERY mean starting 5th grade through hs. I was teased, we all were to some point no doubt.

                  You have to lea that while, you do want other people to have a good impression of you by how your dress and what your hygiene is, it shouldn't be your sole reason for changing a habit or the way you dress etc. Your feelings about yourself and your self confidence comes from you, your family and how you are loved. And with you at the helm the next few years, I am sure she will be fine. 🙂

                  #131390

                  craftysprinkles
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                    I can see both sides of this; everyone makes valid points, but I have to agree with Robin about not letting her do it. If Syd gets to shave her legs, then what other people say will always have this effect on her- that she needs to conform to what other people think of her, and you don't want that. If she wasn't being bullied about her hair, she wouldn't want to do it, right? I wouldn't give that girl any power over her. I would tell that to Sydney.
                    Maybe you can explain to her why you shave your legs, and come to an agreement to when a good age should be. Let your leg hair grow out for a week, then show her what it will look like after she shaves hers. Maybe she will change her mind about doing it. 9 is sooooo young to get started with this.
                    And, I had the same thing happen to me when I was in the 5th grade with both my legs and arms. (Being part Italian I guess makes you kind of hairy!) Of course, I wasn't well-supervised as a kid, and shaved. I really wish I wouldn't have done that!

                    #131391

                    Snagg1
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                      All GREAT advice here. Thank you all so much.

                      I'm caught between wanting to do 2 things. I agree that she wouldn't even be thinking about hairy legs if someone hadn't pointed that out. I also agree that there is a bigger message at play here; that your self-image needs to conform to another person's ideas. The latter is what I am struggling with.

                      Also, it is a boy that said something to her. To make matters worse, it is her cousin. She is also part Italian so her brunette hair is also darker on her legs. It's not like you can see her coming from a mile away, but it is there. She was going over there to be watched. My cousin's wife runs a day care. I love them to pieces and didn't want to change where she went for care, but it was a case of: I say something to her, she says something to her son who then gets Syd while they are outside or someplace where his mom isn't, and threatens her for saying something. There are other bullying issues going on besides this whole hair thing. She begged me not to say anything anymore. He is going to be 12 soon and I know that it is part of what comes with young boys. So, she will now be going to a place where there are girls her age and 2 of them are her friends. She should be around other girls, IMO.

                      I'm so glad that she asked me and didn't just go at it in the shower. She is also more curious about my make-up and perfume. I've drawn the line on make-up to colored lip gloss and funky colored nail polish. I actually don't mind her playing with my make-up if we are staying home; just not all the time. I know if I make too much of a big deal out of these things that she will just start sneaking stuff out of the house and putting on make-up at school. Gosh, it is such a fine line isn't it?

                      I like the idea of using this as an intro to talking about self esteem. I'm going to play this by ear and see if she remembers to ask me when she gets in the shower tonight.

                      #131392

                      oh how hard these decisions are!!! But I totally agree with Robin. For god sake… she is 9 and should be playing with dolls. No hair on her head should be thinking about these teen things.
                      Lisa.. it is hard, bringing up children makes you really doubt yourself sometimes. But where's the line? Maybe you can see it this way, that she is leaing an awesome deal through this. She is leaing to stand up for herself and find her own identity. Maybe you can tu things around and let her see, how isane this remark from this boy was.
                      I'm glad she is going somewhere else and that she can be with other girls.
                      9 is in my opinion wayyyyy to young!
                      (((HUGS)))

                      #131393

                      Just for the record, my daughter started shaving around that age. She didn't press to wear makeup until she was 13. She is 16 and still doesn't date by her own desire to be focused on school and not be distracted by boys. There has always been a balance in place. Of course she wants to wear the styles the other girls wear but never asked to wear revealing clothing. I always based my decisions on my values and weighing things out and letting her have input and as much control over her life that was age appropriate. Shaving at 9 and she is almost closer to 10 than 9 will not lead to having sex at 12. Girls get their periods at 9 so they do get hairy among other things. Self esteem comes from all sources and sadly this is the age 9 when they start to look to their peers and not their parents. You can still be true to who you are you just have to balance it. We all do things to fit in. No one lives entirely of their own accord and not influenced by others. ESPECIALLY in Swirly world. Need I point out the Do not click here thread. LOL
                      Just my two cents.

                      #131394
                      Krissy
                      Krissy
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                        I agree with Robin, Rae, and Paulien. There is not many more words that can be said that wasnt stated already. My daughter is 4yrs old and I had to deal with certain questions I wasnt ready for. I choose to use that opportunity for her to lea who she is and appreciate and love every part of her. To take whatever that she wanted different and I had her look at it as a unique and special part of her. You want your daughter to be a little girl as long as possible but you want her to be strong and not a follower either. So when she handle peer pressure, she is much more confident and have a strong self-esteem. And can make a decision to do things based on her and not someone else.

                        Either way, I pray that God lead you and guide you in the right way. (((HUGS)))

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