Home Forums Non Scrap Chat Just Stuff Need some advice

This topic contains 21 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by Krissy Krissy 6 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #3011
    Krissy
    Krissy
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      Dh's ex-wife's significant other of 18 years was killed yesterday in a tragic accident involving fire extinquishers. Dh and his wife had a bitter divorce and are barely on speaking terms. However, I did meet her and her significant other last year at our grandson's HS graduation and spent a few hours together at DH's daughter's home. The significant other was very prominent in our 4 grandchildrens' lives and I know that they are hurting so much. They range in ages from 10 – 19.

      I am at a loss for what, if anything, to do. My SD had something about the accident on her FB page so I left her a message. I wonder if dh and I should send a card or something to his ex. I am afraid that it is a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation where our condolences would be met with sarcasm and a lack of condolences would be noted as well. What should we do regarding his DD and DS? I feel like just sitting in the background and doing nothing is the wrong thing to do. I know that dh doesn't want to call his children as they are probably with their Mom. I'd appreciate any thoughts you might have.

      "Some cars look like they're going fast when they're standing still. The Camaro looks like it's going to beat you unconscious, put you in a silly hat, invite a couple of other Camaros over to take photos of you, then e-mail them to all your friends and co-workers. Call me crazy, but I like that in a car."

      #120524

      Snagg1
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        Maggi, it all comes down to doing the right thing and forgetting about being damned if you do or don't. I have a very similar situation in my life. My DH has an ex-wife and together they had a daughter who is now married with kids of her own. It is a very tenuous situation. I always try to take the higher road and be a good person, even if it pains me to do so. LOL What matters are your grandchildren. You don't want to cause any more stress for them and the ex might be in the mindset to do so.

        Good luck!

        #120525

        craftysprinkles
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          Maggi, why not rather than a card a letter expressing your sorrow over such a tragedy? I know it's awkward, but she's the mother of your Steps and this is such a horrible thing to have happened. (If it IS met with sarcasm, well, she's going through a lot right now and you and DH will know that you did the right thing.)

          #120526

          Maggi, card or letter – you will be doing the right, kind, compassionate and decent thing. It's her's to decide how to react. Let her own her emotions and reactions, you just do the right thing.

          A person will never go wrong showing human compassion.

          I am so very sorry about the tragic accident. Your poor poor grandkids.

          #120527
          Krissy
          Krissy
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            I totally agree. I think taking the high road and sending a card is probably the best bet. There is just nothing easy about situations like this. Sending lots of prayers and positive energy to all involved.

            #120528

            just went through this with three people passing a few days apart. The grandchildren don't care how everyone gets along they will be sad. I would send an e mail or make a phone call to the grandchidren. Keep in touch with them they need you. I know the thing that means the most to me is someone calling, sending or card or coming by that says I am thinking about u. Sorry for everyone's loss. When I did the eulogy for my friend I ussed a lot of humor which she would have liked but my heart broke for her grandchildren and great grandchildren. They were so sad and didnt understand. My grandmother died when I was 15 and I had to be sedated and I still think about it. Children don;t understand and they can be so devistated. I would get some cards to mail and make them some cards. They will appreciate them and remember even if they don;t tell you right now.

            #120529
            Krissy
            Krissy
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              Oh my, this is so sad. In a time of mouing there is nothing wrong with being compassionate.

              "Some cars look like they're going fast when they're standing still. The Camaro looks like it's going to beat you unconscious, put you in a silly hat, invite a couple of other Camaros over to take photos of you, then e-mail them to all your friends and co-workers. Call me crazy, but I like that in a car."

              #120530

              Oh my, this is so sad. In a time of mouing there is nothing wrong with being compassionate.

              I completely agree.

              #120531

              just went through this with three people passing a few days apart. The grandchildren don't care how everyone gets along they will be sad. I would send an e mail or make a phone call to the grandchidren. Keep in touch with them they need you. I know the thing that means the most to me is someone calling, sending or card or coming by that says I am thinking about u. Sorry for everyone's loss. When I did the eulogy for my friend I ussed a lot of humor which she would have liked but my heart broke for her grandchildren and great grandchildren. They were so sad and didnt understand. My grandmother died when I was 15 and I had to be sedated and I still think about it. Children don;t understand and they can be so devistated. I would get some cards to mail and make them some cards. They will appreciate them and remember even if they don;t tell you right now.

              yes Kathy , you are so right. Kids don't understand, nor do they remember for the long haul like we do.

              #120532
              Krissy
              Krissy
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                Thank you all for your input. Dh and I have decided that we will send a card and note to his Ex and to each of his children and their families. He will call his childrent tomorrow and hopefuly be able to speak with them privately. We are waiting to see what the service will be as we'd like to also send flowers or make a donation depending on the preference of the bereaved. We must be cautious with the gks as this man for all practical purposes was their recognized grandfather, to come on to strongly would alienate them I fear. Oh these things are so tough, but more than anything my heart breaks for his ex. I can not imagine the pain she must be feeling.

                "Some cars look like they're going fast when they're standing still. The Camaro looks like it's going to beat you unconscious, put you in a silly hat, invite a couple of other Camaros over to take photos of you, then e-mail them to all your friends and co-workers. Call me crazy, but I like that in a car."

                #120533

                I think your making a good decision Maggi..what a difficult time for everyone. My condolences to your family.

                #120535

                So sorry you are in such a horrible situation. You are doing the right thing. Do what is right for you, and it will all be ok in the end.
                {{{hugs}}}

                #120534

                Sounds to me like you made the right decision, Maggi! My thoughts and prayers to all of you!

                #120536

                This is so sad. Me too thinks that you made the right dicision Meggi.

                #120537

                Maggie I agree with everyone here.. So sorry for the loss!

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