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This topic contains 34 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  craftysprinkles 5 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #3504

    craftysprinkles
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      I don't want to talk your ear off, so I will keep this kind of vague. Audra cries about going to school everyday and every night before she goes to bed. It's pretty bad right now. We have spoke with her teacher, and she is an absolute model student, no issues at all except that she cries for the first ten minutes every day. I have tried EVERYTHING to get this to stop, and nothing works.
      My main conce is this: my husband suffers from depression, and it is very obvious (and annoying). Audra acts just like him when it comes to a lot of things starting about a year and a half ago, like nothing is ever fun or good enough. I think it might be rubbing off on her.
      We have been trying to deal with this since school started two weeks ago. This weekend, dh talked to his mom about this, and I think she gave him some bunk advice, but I would appreciate your input. Here is what she said: it is normal for kids to act like this at age 6. Many kids have a regression at this age and are resistant to change. It's just a phase, and there is no reason to worry.
      I do not agree with this. I think there is something wrong. I don't think his mom gives good advice, especially about this, because I think dh acted the same way when he was a child, and he is still the same way, minus the crying.

      So, do you think this is a phase? Has anyone has similar experiences, and if you have, what did you do? Any comments would be appreciated!!

      #135723

      craftysprinkles
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        Rae, my oldest cried during the first few minutes of the school day for a week or so, but that was it. No crying himself to sleep every night and certainly no relief after two weeks.
        I don't know you MIL, but I know that you've been ready to strangle her in the past.
        My advice is to talk to her pediatrician very, very soon. It may very well be: new school year & separation, the baby and all that is going on with Owen, but I would absolutely look into this with a doctor.
        {{{HUGS}}} to you, you have so much on your plate as it is.
        {{{HUGS}}} to Audra, I so hope that this can be resolved.

        #135725

        Snagg1
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          Ditto what Peggy said. My first thought went to the change in the family dynamic and then a change in her routine going back to school.

          I know that ever since my DH went into the hospital for depression, Sydney has anxiety issues and it can become overwhelming when she panics about something. I can absolutely tie it back to when he went into the hospital. It doesn't change what is heppening now, but it is from a traumatic event.

          Kids do what they see. We all know that and deciphering the difference is difficult and best left up to her pediatrician. I had a long talk with ours when all of this started happening with us. She gave us some great advice and every time we go in for a visit she will ask Syd a few questions that seem random but I know that she is fishing to see how she has been coping. So far we aren't using any meds. It is exhausting at times because I have to do a lot of prep work for trips and things like that. This issue is another reason why I haven't gone anywhere without her. As soon as I mention wanting to go somewhere, she literally has a panic attack until I either tell her that I won't go or she comes with me. Even then, it takes some time to get her back to normal. I've had people telling me that I need to go anyway and Syd will cope. Her doctor tells me otherwise. Like everything else, preparation is the key for us. She has suggested me just taking off for a day, and then an oveight and then going farther. Syd can do oveights, but she doesn't want me to change where I am. She loves going to my parents but will call me late at night just crying.

          Peggy gave some sage advice; talk to her pediatrician.

          Big hugs!!!!!!

          #135727
          Krissy
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            Aww, poor little sweetie!!! There has to be an underlying problem. Talk to her doctor and hopefully things can get figured out.

            "Some cars look like they're going fast when they're standing still. The Camaro looks like it's going to beat you unconscious, put you in a silly hat, invite a couple of other Camaros over to take photos of you, then e-mail them to all your friends and co-workers. Call me crazy, but I like that in a car."

            #135728

            I agree with everyone else. Talk to her pediatrician, there maybe something else going on.

            #135729

            craftysprinkles
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              Thanks guys! I just got back from dropping her off, and she didn't cry, so I'm glad about that. I've done a lot of prepping her this weekend. I talked to her about choices- if you want to have a good time, you will, and other things like that. I hope that did the trick. She did cry a little when she got up about going, but somehow changed her tune.
              I told dh that was going to talk to the pediatrician soon, and he thought I was overreacting. I think we are going have a tough time disagreeing about this. He keeps saying that he was just like this, and that is unacceptable to me. I don't want her ending up like him, that's why I want him to stop asking his mom for advice. I really foresee a lot fighting between us about Audra. We even had a disagreement about his parents this weekend. They invite themselves over with an hours notice, and I told dh to call them to let them know they can come over next weekend, not this one. I didn't want to listen to his mother's advice, and besides, we had a busy week, and I let the house go, so the weekend was dedicated to cleaning and errands.
              I fear that our biggest problem when it comes to Audra is that dh and I completely disagree about our life as a family. He feels sorry for her that she has a brother with special needs. I do not. She has never known any different, and I try really hard to make us a family. He tries really hard to keep her separated so she can have a normal life. I think having a sibling with special needs can be hard, but I also think it helps develop a sense of empathy and compassion.
              It wasn't until last year that she started saying things like, I don't love Owen. That was really awful, and I tried to help her get through it, but dh started taking her, and himself out of the equation. They always go do stuff together like hiking, and other things. I think that stuff is fine, but it is a lot of alone time for them. I don't feel left out, but it kind of divides us, if you know what I mean. I don't know.

              #135726

              craftysprinkles
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                Lisa, what you are saying makes a lot of sense. Dh has never gone to the hospital for depression, but he suffers pretty badly, and refuses to get help. I know it affects Audra greatly. She see that it's an acceptable way to be. I am always trying to look on the bright side of things, and I wish that would rub off on her, instead of looking at her dad and seeing that it's okay to be constantly disappointed.

                #135722
                Krissy
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                  I agree with the other ladies…talk to her doctor!!

                  #135730

                  craftysprinkles
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                    Rae, none of my business, really, but re: your MIL, you guys DO need to move. Denver, Canada, whatever, just away.

                    #135731

                    Snagg1
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                      Rae, I am with you on the way you feel about her with Owen. My sons are much better men and will make better fathers because of Jake. She may be all right with school, but with all the stress iand changes in her life, I think a visit to the pediatrician would be in the picture. I actually asked the school counselors to talk with Matt and make sure everything was ok when we leaed of Jake's problems even though there were no signs of trouble for Matt. I needed to make sure he was ok.

                      #135732

                      When I was reading your last entry, Rae, I started crying at the end. I don't have any great advice for you, but I totally agree with there is nothing to feel sorry about Audra having a special needs brother! Family is family and we come in all shapes, sizes and abilities. We each bring our own uniqueness to the table and it combines and makes our families what they are! I don't think my other two children ever have been sorry to have their sister. Oh, don't get me wrong, it wasn't always easy, but they never treated her differently and always encouraged her that she could do anything she wanted, which sometimes has been challenging now that she is an adult! LOL!

                      It's O.K. for father/daughter time or parent time with just one child, but not really if the goal is to separate part of the family off to be normal. Anyway, that's just how I feel. Yeah, you don't want to ever feel divided! Not in any family! I think my dh had a hard time when our dd was bo. She was so teeny tiny and he was afraid we were going to lose her, but he didn't tell me that until she was almost 2. I spent 2years wondering what was wrong with him!!! Then, when he finally broke down and told me how he was feeling , it was a total tu around and he has been such a rock ever since.

                      My dd isn't autistic, so I don't know the challenges you have, but there were and are still hurdles we are climbing over and I have always felt that we have gained a tremendous amount of empathy and compassion as you said.

                      I'm not very good at writing my feelings, so I hope some of this made sense! I will keep you and your family in my prayers, Rae. It sounds like you are doing a great job! I know how frustrating it can be sometimes!

                      #135724

                      I dont have expert advise, and I cant speak from experience, because I have never experienced what you just described, but there have been a few changes in your household from what you have told us, new baby, Owens constant challenges, your husbands depression. I do think that you should speak to the pediatrician, but at 6 years old, kids don't comprehend the world the way we do. This may be her way of dealing with anxiety that kids get. Sometimes it is a phase, sometimes they need a little help as in behavior modification. Only an expert will be able to give sound advise. (hopefully). Kids are resilient, and at times they can be fragile.
                      You are her mom and know Audra best, if you feel something isn't right, than speak to an expert on the subject. It may well be a phase, but you wont know that at this stage. Hopefully it is.

                      #135734

                      craftysprinkles
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                        I really appreciate all of your comments. It's nice to get multiple perspectives from such wise women.

                        #135733

                        craftysprinkles
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                          Rae, none of my business, really, but re: your MIL, you guys DO need to move. Denver, Canada, whatever, just away.

                          I AGREE. I hate to be negative, but she is so meddlesome and gives unsolicited advice to me about everything. I just got off the phone with her- she called to see how Audra did this moing and had a couple of other suggestions for me, but I cut her off and told her I was in the car driving and couldn't talk. I hate lying, but I'm not in a spot right now that I can have a conversation with her without being rude. It's bad enough that she prefaced the call by saying that she tried to call dh this moing a few times to find out how the drop off went with Audra, but she couldn't get through. Of course she can't get through- HE'S WORKING! He's probably ignoring her calls.

                          #135735

                          Rae….I know that you are a wonderful mother. That's a given! I do know from experience that some 1st graders suffer seperation anxiety the first few weeks of school. It can manifest itself the night before with various aches and tears. It usually goes away when the child feels safe in the new environment. However, it does sound like Audra may be modeling some of your DH's behaviors. That is normal too. Kids do what they see.
                          My DGD's father is not the most sterling of characters, and she has no contact with him. I taught her father in 3rd and 4th grades never dreaming that he would father my grandchild! I see some behaviors in my DGD that conce me. I'm always asking myself…is it nurture or nature that forms behaviors and personalities. I found a really wonderful child psychologist and had several visits with her for my own personal information gathering. Sometimes a psychologist can answer questions about depression and behaviors that a pediatrician is not equipped to handle. I have felt much better getting a professional's slant on what's going on. Just a thought…..

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