Home Forums Welcome to Swirlydoos! Introduce Yourself! REINTRODUCE MYSELF

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  • #3397

    I have been struggling with the desire to explain why I ask so so many questions. Skip this post if my questions and behavior does not both you.

    After my hubby died three years after his transplant I felt betrayed by God. I kept telling my children that God would not have taken us this far and drop us on are arse. It felt like that is exactly what he did.

    I went into a severe depression. Again I had had a heart attack and the meds had interesting side affects. I got very, very depressed and felt it was important to try to get some help. I saw a therapist at Kaiser and she was conceed because over the last few years they had tried lots of antidepressants and they seemed to not work. My children were conceed because I was still having heart attacks and going to emergency and scared them to death. About 5 months after my hubby dies my mom who appeared very healthy and worked out every day. She had her second bypass and did fine but got a staff infection. I believe she got it at Kaiser during her angiogram. She passed away. I was still having heart problems and ended up havingt a bypass 4 months later (same doctor). I remember it was Thanksgiving and I was trying to miss as little school as possible. After the bypass I sunk into a very severe depression and I was afraid.

    I saw the same psychiatrist after and because of her conce she frightened me into having electric shock treatments. I was told I might have some slight memory loss and it would retu. I can't even talk about the process except I would wake up with a violent headache on Friday and it was usually better by Monday when I went to school. I had 12 treatments and after each treatment my memory got worse and worse. I couldn't not remember the children's names, I took my teachers manuals home each night so I could prepare for the next day. I would run next door and ask my teacher to remind me how to long dividision or muliplication and go back and try and teach it.

    They wanted me to do 12 more treatments and I was afraid that as the end of the next 12 treatments I would be a walking zombie. I found it difficult to teach because I couldn't remember things.

    Unfortunately I still have anger toward the doctor. In one year I lost my husband, my mother and had open heart surgery. Maybe she should have waited on the treatment because that is a lot of situational things in one year. She fed off my fear.

    I am sorry it is taking me so long to get to the point of this. I have the units that would qualify me for a PHd but I can't remember how to do things. My loving friends show me how to do something, we take notes and then by the time I am trying to do it on my own I have forgotten. I am told that a lot of the meds I take are downers and affect the memory. My children get very angry because they tell me stuff and I dont' remembner.

    I am not telling you my story because I want sympathy. I do not. I just get the feeling when I ask questions over and over it frustrates you. I also feel like when I answer the Forum I sound preachy and I don't want to do that. Some of it I seem to be able to control and sometimes I don't.

    Right now I do not feel able to make l/os but I am releaing how to do things through the tutorials and my wonderful friend Cindy.

    I really love Swirlydoos because everyone is so kind and helpful. It my questions bug you tell me I have asked lots of tme before and I will try to find the answers. I do google lots of things and that helps me. I get frustated because I end up leaing a million things but right now can't put them together in my brain.

    My daughter took over my craft room and that has really affected me. It frustrates me because I wanted to be able to work on things and leave things out on the table. She is trying to find a job so she can go back to school and get her credential and masters. We are not the happy mother/daughter like Lisa and Gabby. My daughter is not happy that she has to be back at home after 4 years on her own in Europe and all over the world

    I also have fibromyapothy and stress seems to trigger episodes of pain and fatigue. At night I often don't sleep because I have severe neuropathy pain in my feet, legs and hands. Sometimes I would like to take a hammer and pound on my legs to distrct the pain.
    All these medical problems is because I did not take good care of myself and now I am paying the price (please take care of your health).

    Right now the joy I get is looking at everyones work and the gallery. There are people I enjoy following. We have lots of toots and that excites me and pleases me for them. Sometimes I get frustrated because I use to do a lot of art and crafts in my class and I could do things I wouldn't even attempt now. When I am looking around the web I find things I would like to send to folks but I don't know if that is being too forward. Yesterday I saw a really funny clip art of the poodle I wanted to send to Maggie. If anyone wants me to look for things for them I would be happy to do that for you.

    The other thing I seems to be doing is shopping too much on the computer for scrapbooking stuff. My craftwoom is certainly full of stuff when I get my room back. I seems to be able to find what I want and then go looking for the cheapest price. Want me to look for you I woulds be happy to do that for you.

    Today I wanted to find the bullying programs for Lisa but I did not know if I was interferring. If my posts are bugging you please send me a PM and I certainly will work on. I also try to use humor but I have a dry sense of humor and I think sometimes only I understand it.

    My name is Kathy and I am an addict at everything. I will have 25 years of socriety this September. Right now my addiction seems to be scrapbooking purchses. I am looking at going to CODA so I can figure out how to stop supporting my daughter and roommate.

    If you read this I feel like I need to give you a gold star. I know everyone has stories to tell but I wanted to explain why I seem to answers questions repeatedly and don't seem to understand. I don't. Thank you Swirlydoo sisters for your patients. If I bug you please send me a PM and I can work on it. The last problem of many is that I talk too long. Sorry. Thank you for allowing me to be part of Swirlydoos and enjoy you all so much. I should have someone read this and edit it but I am tired so here it comes.

    #132286
    Krissy
    Krissy
    Swirly Admin
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      Oh Kathy!! I feel for you sweetie!! I really never have the right words, but just know this, you are our swirly sister. That's what so wonderful about Swirlydoos, we are here for each other through the good and the bad. Asking questions and repeating yourself here and there does not bother me at all. I'm glad that you have gave us a little background of yourself so we can get a better understanding. My advice, try to sit down and scrap. You'll be surprised!

      ((HUGS))

      "Some cars look like they're going fast when they're standing still. The Camaro looks like it's going to beat you unconscious, put you in a silly hat, invite a couple of other Camaros over to take photos of you, then e-mail them to all your friends and co-workers. Call me crazy, but I like that in a car."

      #132287

      TY Could you taKE off the second repeat message I left that I can't figure out how to deleate. I got a new die cut for a flower that I am excited to try. Today was a pain day but will try it soon. TY ((Hugs))

      #132288

      craftysprinkles
      Swirly Scrapper
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        Kathy, let me echo Angela and tell you that we understand and sympathize more than you may realize.
        Many of us have suffered loss, have had suffered poor health and have had difficulties with family. I am saying this not to say you're not the only…, but to let you know that we do understand…
        I'm glad that you're finding pleasure in looking in the Gallery and in going through the tutorials. Like Angelica, I do want to suggest that you take some time and try to scrap. Perhaps you could make an appointment with yourself, say between the hours of 2:00 and 2:30, and get out some scrappy stuff and play with it. If what you do one day doesn't work out, please realize that (1)it's really only paper, (2)you're just like the rest of us in that not everything we try works out and (3)Tomorrow is another day…
        And when things are getting you down, just head over to Just Stuff and vent on the I Hate It thread or start a new one of your own. We may not be able to offer any solutions, but you will have gotten it off your chest and we can offer a lot of shoulders and hugs.

        P.S. I share that same dry sense of humor. A lot of us do.

        #132289

        Kathy, my heart goes out to you. I just want you to know, I'm here for you whenever you just need to talk, we all are. I'm glad your have some new toys that you can't wait to play with, do it girl…. I have to aree with Angelica and Peggy, just scrap and vent, it really helps..

        #132284

        Hey Kathy!

        No worries at all! God knows that I tend to be forgetful and repetative at times, lol! And since english is my second language I tend to have a few spelling mistakes, although nobody on this site ever seams to complain about such things, LOL! I have a slight tendency towards ADD and find that I am in great company around here (anyone care to come along for a bike ride??) as seams to be the case with alot of us sisters around here. I here you about your struggles and I have had my share of issues as well. Know that you are in the right place and that we are all here to encourage each other and to lea from each other. I hope you never hesitate to ask questions and share with us wether it is your projects or your insites into our discussions.

        #132290
        Krissy
        Krissy
        Swirly Admin
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          Oh Kathy, you hang in there! At least you have medication, lots of loss and electroshock therapy to blame your memory loss on. I find myself repeating things and asking the same questions all the time. For no reason whatsoever…ha! It takes all sorts of people to make this forum interesting and we're all glad you're here to add some spice. And just remember…normal people are boring! I know I'm a little quirky and I totally embrace it:) {{{Hugs}}}

          #132291
          Krissy
          Krissy
          Swirly Admin
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            Kathy I agree with what the other ladies have said..we are your swirly sisters and we're here to listen whenever{{{HUGS}}}}

            #132285

            Snagg1
            Member
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              Hugs Kathy!! Please don't think that you are a bother because you certainly are not. As you can see from the responses, everyone is here for one another. We really have a very special place here.

              I've deleted your other thread, as requested. Also, please know that you are not interfering by looking for websites on bullying. It is very sweet of you to take your time to do this.

              #132292

              Snagg1
              Member
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                Hey Kathy, We are here for you. Hugs. This is a supportive place. If people don't want to read something they don't have to..

                And Joelle, English is my language & I still mispell words – so no worries.

                #132293

                I'm not so good in words so…..Ditto to what the girls said Kathy.
                HUGS to you!!!!!!

                #132294

                Hi, Kathy! This is what is so great about Swirlydoos. We are all here for each other!

                #132295

                Kathy, wow lots to write but so wonderfully articulated so that we can understand where you are coming from, where you have been, and love you for you!

                You and I have had some wonderful private dialogue and you just work at your own pace. Right now if creating LO's is stressful and looking at the gallery is what you are enjoying, then ask all the questions you want and just keep observing.

                You will create when you want.

                You are a swirly sister and we won't let you down.

                #132296

                Snagg1
                Member
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                  Hi Kathy, I am still pretty new here. I am anxiously awaiting my sept kit.( already I know its gonna be late but still can't wait) I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and mom. I hope your health improves and you are able to enjoy life again. Depression is exhausting I am glad you can escape to swirlydoos and find some peace. Take care.

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