Home Forums Non Scrap Chat Just Stuff Well it's time..

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  • #2094

    to put MIL in a nursing home…well hopefully assisted living.

    Everyone is pretty bummed around here lately as she seems to be losing memory as well. A couple of weeks ago she looked at me with the blankest stare like she didn't know me. Then just 'popped' back into reality. In a way I'm glad that it is happening, for her safety among the main reason, but it's sad too. I can't imagine losing your independence like that, selling your home that u've lived in for over 50 yrs, and wondering what your future holds.

    I'd like to make her transition as comfortable and easy as possible. Any tips on how to do that?

    #86143

    Wish I could help you with that. Sorry you have to go through this. Does she understand where she's going?
    I think my grandma will be going into assisted living this year, but it's her idea, which is so much easier.

    #86144
    Krissy
    Krissy
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      My dad was in assisted living and the place was like a palace. wow…they really are amazing. Do a tour of one, they have libraires, fitness rooms, salons, the works…and they really do things to make them mingle and get to know eatch other.

      #86145

      craftysprinkles
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        Denise, so sorry!!!! Will she be allowed to bring a lot of her things there, fuiture, pictures, and such? Having as much of that as possible may help a bit with the transition…
        Thoughts and prayers going out to her and you and your husband.

        #86146

        Denise. I am sorry that you and the family are going through this. I can offer no advise as I am in the same situation at the moment. My mother in law is practically wheelchair bound, and I am taking care of her. Going once a week to clean, 3 times a week to bath her. She is so depressed because her mind is there, but her body wont cooperate. Her hips and knees are full of arthritis and the edema she has in both legs has reached her belly area. She has to use a compression device machine to both legs twice a day, and my father in law has to put them on for her cause she cant do it. We got her a lift chair so that my FIL doesn't have to lift her in and out of her living room chair. It took a toll on his back. He will be 86 this year and is slowing down big time. I am tired…Working full time, and caring for them.They haven't talked about selling the house, my father in law wont go…He refuses to go to an ALF. My MIL, says when the time comes, just put her away. I cant…That's just me. As long as I can care for her, I cant do it. Maybe it is the nurse in me. My husband and I thought about having them live with us, but, I don't know. My husband says no. Si I wish I could offer you advise Denise, but sadly it is a decision you all have to make. Just check out the facilities carefully. Ask around. There are wonderful places out there that would take very good care of her. It will work out for everyone.

        #86147

        we put my Grandmother in 2 years ago. (she is 96 now). The place is absolutely wonderful. They keep her engaged, she has an exercise routine,they have several optional outings a week as well as indoor activities every single day. My girls love to visit her there. They complain she has more fun than they do.
        Ice Cream Parties, WII games, Magic Shows, game nights, flower arranging, etc.
        there is also a laundry and beauty parlor there so she can get her hair and nails done.

        We had to put her here for the same reason you said. It was becoming dangerous for her to love on her own. She had had severa; falls where she laid for a good while before being found. Would forget to eat or if cooking would forget to tu the stove or oven off.
        She has her own room, own bathroom and small kitchenette (though they are required to eat dinner as a group)
        It's hard, but if you can find the right place (and I think we visited about 20 places)
        We took as many pics as we good and filled those collage frames–wall space is a premium. She has 2 wide windowsills that we filled with very easy maintenance plants-she was a gardener her whole life. The girls decorated her bathroom door and change it seasonally.
        She was allowed to bring her own fuiture so picked out her favorite pieces

        #86148
        Krissy
        Krissy
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          Sorry Denise and Lisa, its a tough thing. I haven't had to face it yet and at least for now, my parents will be willing to go when the time is right. Hopefully they will feel that way at that time. They are almost 89 and doing so well on their own. Wish I had advice for you but I don't. Prayers said for answers and help for you.

          "Some cars look like they're going fast when they're standing still. The Camaro looks like it's going to beat you unconscious, put you in a silly hat, invite a couple of other Camaros over to take photos of you, then e-mail them to all your friends and co-workers. Call me crazy, but I like that in a car."

          #86149

          Oh Lisa I'm so sorry! That's got to be so hard on so many levels. My heart goes out to you girl…hugs!

          MIL is willing to go, she is just VERY nervous about what's going to happen to all her things…home..etc. I told her that we'd take care of everything. The places that she's looked at, (her older son has been taking her since we're 2 hours away..and he's 5 minutes from her) have been very nice. She can take some of her fuiture..etc. I've tried to tell her that it's our tu to take care of her. She's been taking care of everyone for so long, she is having a hard time letting that one go…stubbo Norwegian..lol

          Brother in law called last night. He took her to a place yesterday to see and she knew a few ladies there so she was pretty happy. That made us feel better! I think if she moves to a place that she knows people, she'd be better. Just the socialization alone would do her wonders!

          Since MIL's nerves are a wreck, my sister in law thought it'd be ok to put her on meds. Well those made her sick. So she says she won't take them anymore. Well SIL got MAD at her and said some things that weren't very nice..pissed me off. I tried to explain that sometimes it could take a few trials of different meds to find one that works for her. I'll be damned if my MIL is going to be doped up to make it more convenient for some. If it's not helping her, stop taking it and go back to the Dr.

          Wish we were closer to her so I could be there everyday…but we call each moing and evening.

          Thanks for your prayers and thoughts sisters!

          #86150
          Krissy
          Krissy
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            I'm so sorry Denise! Just like Peggy said, trying to bring as many of her own things with her as possible always help. I have worked with dementia patients and I've seen a lot of relatives trying to be nice and buying new stuff for their loved one, only to confuse him or her even more. Try to bring some favorite pieces of fuiture, paintings, pictures and stuff like that. Things that will make her new place seem more like home.
            Putting together a photo album with comments explaining who the people in the picture is, where it is taken etc. is another idea. It is something that can help her remember and it can also function as a conversation starter for the staff.

            "Some cars look like they're going fast when they're standing still. The Camaro looks like it's going to beat you unconscious, put you in a silly hat, invite a couple of other Camaros over to take photos of you, then e-mail them to all your friends and co-workers. Call me crazy, but I like that in a car."

            #86151

            My heart goes out to you both. My sweet Daddy had dementia, but he knew me right up to the end. We were fortunate enough to hire 7 people to stay with him 24/7.
            I do know that having things and routine the same is important. My dad freaked when one of the care givers moved his bedroom fuiture around. He had to have everything the same. He came to spend Christmas with me his last Christmas. It was a nightmare. He was unhappy and wanted to go home.
            If you can get you MIL to a good place soon enough so she can feel secure with her surroundings, it might be easier later on.
            My prayers are certainly with you both. This is so difficult.

            #86152

            The familiar fuiture, decorations, etc is definitely a good idea. also, as mentioned, having pictures of family/friends around as constant reminders helps.

            #86154

            When it came time to place my parents in assisted living the place was brand new and right down the street from me. The apartments were unfurished so we could use many of their things . That made the transiton much easier

            #86153

            Oh, man! I just want God to send me a big old heart attack and not have to go through all of this. This makes me soooo sad for all of you.

            #86155

            Snagg1
            Member
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              Life changing stuff going on. Big hugs to all who are having to deal with this. I have nothing more to add than what has already been said. XO

              #86156

              Oh Lisa I'm so sorry! That's got to be so hard on so many levels. My heart goes out to you girl…hugs!

              MIL is willing to go, she is just VERY nervous about what's going to happen to all her things…home..etc. I told her that we'd take care of everything. The places that she's looked at, (her older son has been taking her since we're 2 hours away..and he's 5 minutes from her) have been very nice. She can take some of her fuiture..etc. I've tried to tell her that it's our tu to take care of her. She's been taking care of everyone for so long, she is having a hard time letting that one go…stubbo Norwegian..lol

              Brother in law called last night. He took her to a place yesterday to see and she knew a few ladies there so she was pretty happy. That made us feel better! I think if she moves to a place that she knows people, she'd be better. Just the socialization alone would do her wonders!

              Since MIL's nerves are a wreck, my sister in law thought it'd be ok to put her on meds. Well those made her sick. So she says she won't take them anymore. Well SIL got MAD at her and said some things that weren't very nice..pissed me off. I tried to explain that sometimes it could take a few trials of different meds to find one that works for her. I'll be damned if my MIL is going to be doped up to make it more convenient for some. If it's not helping her, stop taking it and go back to the Dr.

              Wish we were closer to her so I could be there everyday…but we call each moing and evening.

              Thanks for your prayers and thoughts sisters!

              Denise~ I worked for a home care company for a while where I did some discharge planning from one of our rehab facilities ..to either the patient's home, Assisted Living…where ever.
              There always seems to be some bumps in the road…everyone gets nervous…I don't know your SIL…but she may be going through some tough decisions in her head…maybe she is thinking she should be caring for her mother…who knows. It sounds like you have everything going in the right direction. I think if she can go somewhere where she knows others….it will be better for her and your family. Good places….always have lots of engaging activities. Once she finds a new place….then worry about her meds. Unless they have to do with her physical health. When I worked at this job I speak of…there were lots of times…I thought…wow…wish I could live here. It is just a huge transition.
              Otherwise …there is the option of paying for Private home care. Actually ….there is so many activities…in Assisted livings…that I would hate for your MIL to miss out on.
              I will keep you and your family in my prayers Denise. Just know…that I have met some of the most caring individuals in these kinds of facilities….you will know who they are….and I always make sure to let them know…..just how great it is …to know that they are caring …for peoples loved ones.
              Big Hugs Denise…and it sounds like you are on the right track.

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