Home Forums Non Scrap Chat Just Stuff I feel cheated

This topic contains 26 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  LindaDriggs 6 years, 6 months ago.

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  • #2863

    I am feeling cheated and I'm a tad bit – OK – more then a tad bit upset about it.

    Last night I attended my step-son's graduation with his Masters Degree. Joyous event especially for my husband. Sad too, however because step-son goes to the university where hubby works so hubby had daily contact with him and really cherished that interaction on an adult level. He is a great, loving and caring son.

    But during the ceremony, I couldn't help but feel cheated because my son quit high school and I will not get to celebrate his HS graduation. I worked so hard to get him through school always advocating on his behalf with teachers – he has special needs.

    Many of you have children with special needs – some more than others- and you know how you have to be there as your child's ONLY advocate. It can be a difficult task making sure your child is not steamrolled.

    But I just feel cheated.

    Hubby is so very wise though and later last night told me everyone is cheated out of something. My step son had a buddy come to graduation and my hubby realized that he was not just a buddy. The real ahhh-haaa moment when we definatively knew. My husband said he felt cheated out of future grandkids.

    He just feels cheated.

    Everyone is cheated out of something in life. The graduation was not mine to have. Grandkids from stepson are not ours to have. That promotion passed by, not yours to have. That sold out add-on – whoops really NOT yours to have. LOL

    You've been cheated.

    My wish list and my ideas in my head of what life should have and should provide is just that – a wish list ( but I really love my ideas and get attached to them, ya know?). I do understand that I have no control, but today I am just feeling dang cheated. Tonight we will celebrate graduation with stepson and his partner at dinner. No grandkids out of the deal, but a really really nice partner who makes stepson happy. OK – we'll take that as a swap. The swaps are not bad, but do take a little adjusting.

    Do you feel cheated at times?

    #109684
    Krissy
    Krissy
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      Great post Jen. It has given me food for thought and very appropriate at this time for me.

      So how is Nick doing?

      #109685

      Wow…Yes we are all cheated in life at some time. I feel blessed in soooo many ways, and yes I have been cheated as well. No matter how big or insignificant, we all suffer time to time. Hugs to you….I know how you feel. I to will be cheated out of grandchildren from my son and daughter inlaw, but respect their decision to not have children. {{{HUGS}}}

      #109686

      Great post Jen. It has given me food for thought and very appropriate at this time for me.

      So how is Nick doing?

      I am not really sure how Nick is doing. We talk briefly on the phone, and I mean briefly. He is the master manipulator telling me what I want to hear in that 3 min conversation – which is really an exchange of pleasantries.

      And text messages, well they tend to get misconstrued. How much can one convey in a text? In my experience, not a whole heckofa lot of emotional sharing going on in text messages from a teen boy gone inde – though he has told me his lack of a car and money are squelching his new inde independent spirit. Ya think?

      #109683
      Krissy
      Krissy
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        Fod for thought – I can understand that you feel cheated but hopefully there will be other triumphs to clebrate along the way. My cousin & his partner are in the process of adopting. Who knows, you may have GKs in that way. Nick – his triumphs are yet to be discovered, I do pray that something will tu his life around.

        This is such a thought provoking question, I hope that sometime we can discuss in person.

        "Some cars look like they're going fast when they're standing still. The Camaro looks like it's going to beat you unconscious, put you in a silly hat, invite a couple of other Camaros over to take photos of you, then e-mail them to all your friends and co-workers. Call me crazy, but I like that in a car."

        #109687
        Krissy
        Krissy
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          So sorry you were feeling bummed Jen….. I can't imagine how it feels for your child to leave…. so sorry…. as for the grandkids, you know that male gay couples sometimes adopt….. so grandkids are still in the realm of possibles….. 🙂

          Just trying to look on the bright side…. 🙂

          #109689

          craftysprinkles
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            Jen, yes, we do all feel cheated at times, over big things and small things. I can't tell you how often when I look at my granddaughter I wish that my husband had lived to see and enjoy her. And I wish that our plans to retire by now and enjoy life were a reality. The only thing that I can tell you is that life goes on, usually not as planned and that more often than not the path that you are on will lead you to something good.
            Your son may surprise you yet, maybe not with a graduation, but if he ends up safe and settled, that will be far better in the long run.
            As for your step-son, yes, adoption is possible. The important thing is that he, too, ends up safe and settled and with a partner who he loves.

            Having said all that, you've been having a year from Hell. I believe that you're entitled to scream and cry and rant every once in a while….

            {{{{{{{{{{JENNIFER}}}}}}}}}}

            #109690
            Krissy
            Krissy
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              i agree with everything the other ladies have said. If i were good with words I would probably add something. You have your faith which will make you stronger. As long as the children are safe and loved that's all we can ask for!

              #109691
              Krissy
              Krissy
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                i agree with everything the other ladies have said. If i were good with words I would probably add something. You have your faith which will make you stronger. SAs long as the children are safe and loved that's all we can ask for!

                #109692
                Krissy
                Krissy
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                  awwww {{{{HUGGGGSSSS}}}} I am sorry you are bummed out 🙁

                  #109688

                  Jen, your post brought tears to my eyes today. I was trying to think of something inspiring to say, but words fail me right now. It's true that we all have things happen that just aren't right. I've always said the Life is full of little trade-offs. Sometimes the trade-offs aren't that little…they are huge. But in all my years I have leaed one thing in life…..you never know what the final outcome will be. Life is an adventure…..and God is in control. Things always seem to work out and we adjust. I know that you have a strong faith in God…and that faith and knowledge will see you through the roughest of times. I'm sorry, Sister.

                  #109693

                  craftysprinkles
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                    I think you deserve some credit here Jen. I can appreciate the feelings of being cheated, but you are taking this a hell of a lot better thanI probably would. You are so loving and level headed conceing this revelation, I think I would have exploded. That's just me. I tend over react!!

                    I have been cheated in my life conceing several things, and it has left me bitter. I know that is the wrong attitude to take, and I have been working on it for years. Because of my inability to let things go, especially one thing, my life took a whole different direction from childhood, and I have never been truly content with myself. Don't let things hang on forever, come to terms. Don't let yourself go from being cheated to being robbed.

                    Life is not fair, that's for sure, but how we manuever over the bumps and potholes and the twists and tus of life on sunny days as well as foggy, proves what kind of driver we are!! Drive safe!

                    #109694

                    craftysprinkles
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                      I'm sorry, Jen. I agree with everyone else. You have to try to see the positive in everything, all the time, and make a conscious effort to do so. The only thing you have complete control over is your attitude, or how you perceive things.
                      I try not to feel cheated every day. Having Owen is really hard sometimes- his disabilities remind me everyday that our family has to live very differently. The little things are the hardest: I'd love to get a cute pic of all three kids together, not just to scrap, but just to have, but that is not going to happen- Owen doesn't want to be in the same room with the baby, let alone sit next to him and look like he doesn't want cry! And, that's just one example.
                      It sucks when we miss milestones or other things we'd like to see our kids do or accomplish, especially because we, as mothers, measure our worth by our kids reaching them. I can tell by all of your posts that you are an awesome mom, and just because your son hasn't taken the traditional path, doesn't mean he won't get back on track. There will be other things to celebrate. Hugs to you!

                      #109695

                      I'm sorry, Jen. I agree with everyone else. You have to try to see the positive in everything, all the time, and make a conscious effort to do so. The only thing you have complete control over is your attitude, or how you perceive things.
                      I try not to feel cheated every day. Having Owen is really hard sometimes- his disabilities remind me everyday that our family has to live very differently. The little things are the hardest: I'd love to get a cute pic of all three kids together, not just to scrap, but just to have, but that is not going to happen- Owen doesn't want to be in the same room with the baby, let alone sit next to him and look like he doesn't want cry! And, that's just one example.
                      It sucks when we miss milestones or other things we'd like to see our kids do or accomplish, especially because we, as mothers, measure our worth by our kids reaching them. I can tell by all of your posts that you are an awesome mom, and just because your son hasn't taken the traditional path, doesn't mean he won't get back on track. There will be other things to celebrate. Hugs to you!

                      Well said, Rae. When I start feeling sorry for me, I think about you Mom's that have really had so much to deal with. It makes me ashamed that I gripe and complain when things really aren't that bad….Hugs to you and your family.
                      Jen…. things will get better. Just remember about Mark and me…..things couldn't have been much worse…and God is working a miracle. A slow miracle….but a miracle. As long as there is breath, there is hope.
                      Hugs to you too!

                      #109696

                      Thanks everyone. yes most have it far harder than I do. Most have been cheated, but I like what Robin said about being careful not to get robbed.

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