Home Forums Non Scrap Chat Just Stuff Politically Correct Christmas Poem

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    'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck…
    How to live in a world that's politically correct?
    His workers no longer would answer to Elves.
    Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves.
    And labor conditions at the north pole
    Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

    Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
    Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
    And equal employment had made it quite clear
    That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
    So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
    Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

    The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
    The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
    And people had started to call for the cops
    When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
    Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
    His fur trimmed red suit was called Unenlightened.

    And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
    Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
    And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
    Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

    So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
    Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
    Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
    Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

    And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
    That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
    Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
    Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
    Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
    Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
    Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
    Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
    Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
    Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

    No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
    Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
    And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
    Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
    For they raised the hackles of those psychological
    Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

    No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
    Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
    Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé;
    And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

    So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
    He just could not figure out what to do next.
    He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
    But you've got to be careful with that word today.
    His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
    Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

    Something special was needed, a gift that he might
    Give to all without angering the left or the right.
    A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
    Each group of people, every religion;
    Every ethnicity, every hue,
    Everyone, everywhere…even you.
    So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth…
    May you and your loved ones enjoy.

    Peace on Earth



    Swirly Scrapper
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      Too cute! TFS!

      Swirly Admin
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        omg that is too cute and oh so sadly true!

        "Some cars look like they're going fast when they're standing still. The Camaro looks like it's going to beat you unconscious, put you in a silly hat, invite a couple of other Camaros over to take photos of you, then e-mail them to all your friends and co-workers. Call me crazy, but I like that in a car."


        That's great!!!! Love it!


        Swirly Scrapper
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          it's almost come to that hasn't it!




          Isn't that the truth! Thanks for sharing!

          Swirly Admin
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            Funny how the more 'politically correct' we get…..
            the more 'restricted' we become…..


            love it!


            omg that is too cute and oh so sadly true!



            vertically challenged!! That is MINE! That is me! I love that!! Too funny and painfully truthful!


            Awww…if Santa tried to be gay, I think the elves would be able to help him out. :p


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              it's almost come to that hasn't it!

              Sadly it has.

              Love the poem Lisa!


              Swirly Scrapper
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                Cute poem!!!

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